How Deep Is Your Love?
by TeenageDreamer307
Summary: "Through the stupid arguments, the late nights, the mood swings, and all the physical and emotional abuse she assaults me with, I forgive her. Every. Single. Time. I'm in deep. I need her so much, I make myself sick." Femslash. Miley/Mitchie, Diley story. I'm not sure if this qualifies as an angst story as well, but R&R.


New York City. That's where I've lived for the last four years, and that's where I am right now. It's the middle of winter and I'm freezing my ass off sitting on the ledge of my apartment building. As I look at the darkness in the sky, I can't help but feel an emptiness in my chest. I didn't ask to come here, but what can I do? My heart is here, whether I like it or not. She's always wanted to make it big, and she's worked damn hard to get here. Who am I to stand in the way of that?

Her dream was too big for a small town like ours and she never would've made it if she stayed there. But she refused to leave me. She loved me. My whole body stilled as the realization hit me.

"She... _loved_ me." was the quiet cry that left my lips. The courage in my voice had been lost years ago and I don't think I'll ever get it back. I tell myself again and again that she took it from me; in actuality, I gave it to her. Willingly. And I hate myself everyday for it. I kept ignoring it. I kept running away from it. I let this happen...and the worst part of it is, I'm still running away. The rooftop is my safe-haven from her. I'll stay out here anywhere from a few hours a night up to early morning. It helps me think when she wrecks my train of thought. Despite everything that I've been through, I'm still absolutely crazy about her. Through the stupid arguments, the late nights, the mood swings, and all the physical and emotional abuse she assaults me with, I forgive her. Every. Single. Time. I'm in deep.

I need her so much, I make myself sick.

There have been nights where I couldn't sleep or days I refused to eat because I loathed myself so much. I shut myself away not only from her, but from everyone. And that's when she always worms her way back in. She has this certain charm that I can't resist and I feel like an idiot for letting her do this to me. But I can see it in her eyes when she's truly concerned about me; they've never lied to me before and it's because of them I'm in so deep. I sigh heavily with a new pang of self pity festering in my stomach and look down at the busy streets of the city. I need to relax. I've got all the time in the world before she wakes up-

"Babe?" A sense of alarm hit me like a tidal wave. I could feel my heartbeat drumming with the adrenaline coursing through me. "Baby, are you up here?" A million thoughts raced through my mind at once and my body forgot how to breathe. God, I hope she's not mad. Please, _please_ don't be mad.

"I'm...here." I replied meekly. My voice refused to go any higher. I felt a pair of long, strong arms wrap around my waist securely. I know that by first glance she looks like any other average girl, but she's got this unrealistic inner power. Its one of the reasons I can't walk away from her; it's just so entrancing. She kissed my temple and I instantly melted into her embrace.

"You weren't in bed when I woke up." she began softly, using a gentle tone. She only spoke to me like this when she was afraid I'd leave her for something she had done. Should I have walked out a long time ago? Well in any case, I'm still here.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, like she wanted me to. I wasn't sorry. The gentle tone in her voice didn't last.

"I thought you left." she said, obviously angry but trying to keep her feelings hidden from me. She can't keep anything from me, and I hate that she keeps ignoring that.

"You know I would never leave you, Mitchie." I said. My voice was shaky, still at the same level it was last time I spoke. I heard Mitchie exhale and I felt her arms slip off my waist. I closed my eyes and held my breath as I sensed her move to a spot beside me. Her warm hand caressed my right cheek and I shut my eyes even tighter. I breathed out nervously and felt tears building inside. We've been here before in this exact spot too many times to count.

"Miley," Mitchie said. "Look at me." I didn't open my eyes. I couldn't bear to stare into those beautiful eyes I used to fall into and only see the pain in myself looking back at me. She huffed and tightened her grip on the side of my face. I winced in pain. The spot was already bruised from an argument Mitchie and I had earlier today. She never loses.

"I said look at me, Miley!" she half-growled. My eyes fluttered open with a whimper and a lone tear spilled over.

"Y-Yes, Mitchie?" I was terrified that she was gonna hit me again and leave another bruise, or knock me off the ledge accidentally in a fit. She didn't, but I wish she had done something other than what she was going to do next. I knew what was coming and I hate it more than anything in the world. Mitchie studied my face for a moment and her expression softened. She put her legs straight out in front of her.

"Come here." she said, moving her hand from my face and using it to pat her lap. I didn't question her and clambered my way over to my "special" seat. Mitchie kissed the side of my neck and rubbed the lower part of my back softly.

"Mitchie? What are you-" I stopped as she left a trail of kisses up to my jaw and touched my stomach tenderly. I couldn't help but sigh. I love it when she's genuinely intimate like this; it reminds of the days back at home, before any of this ever happened. But it never lasts long enough. As soon as it began, it was over, and she pulled away and looked up at me. It always starts with "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry." she apologized. I bite back the urge to scream in her face. She's lying. Then it goes on with "You know I didn't mean it."

"You know I didn't mean it, Miles." This has become so routine, I know every word.

"I know, Mitch." I sighed. She took my hands in hers and kissed my palms. This is the part I hate the most. Out of all the things I've put up with, I can't stand this. It literally tears me apart inside every time she says-

"It won't happen again, Baby. I promise." Mitchie smiled. That's what she said earlier today. And yesterday. And last week. And last month. And almost every day last year. What makes it worse is even after three years of taking this shit, I still believe her.

I'm in deep.

She looked back at me expectantly, waiting for a reply. "I-I know." I can barely get the words out, but that's all I have to say to satisfy her. She smiled another smile and breathed in a short breath of night air.

"Let's go back inside." she said. To other people, it would sound like a suggestion, but to me? I knew it wasn't a choice.

"Okay." I played along like I always do. I rose from her lap and shivered abruptly, suddenly feeling cold. Maybe it was just the night air. Mitchie got up and took my hand.

"Cold, Hun?" she asked, stepping closer. All I could do is nod dumbly. She placed her hands on my hips and held me close to her.

"Well, I know the perfect way to warm you up." she purred, kissing my un-bruised cheek and squeezing my ass with an all too eager hand. "Let's go back to bed, huh?"

"Okay." I murmured. It's not like I can say no to her. I mean, I can, but she gets her way in the end anyway. This saves us another fight and saves me another bruise.

**.oOo.**

Mitchie's sleeping again, and I'm surprised I'm not asleep, too. Her right arm was draped over my bare stomach and her naked front was pressed against my equally covered back. I could feel her breathing on the back of my neck. It was haunting how I felt so warm on the outside but cold on the inside.

Maybe it wasn't just the night air.

"Mitchie?" I called her softly. She didn't reply. She was out like a light. I moved over so that I was free of Mitchie's touch and turned on my side so that I faced her. I couldn't help but smile a little at the sight. The moonlight filtering in from the blinds on the window struck Mitchie at a perfect angle. She had this angelic glow about her when she was resting. She brought her extended arm back and tucked it underneath her body, aimlessly clawing the sheets as she did so.

"Miley?" she murmured, shifting her head against the pillow. "D-Don't...don't..." Her facial expression twisted into a sad one. "Don't go." I frowned and ran my fingers through her hair gently. I leaned over and kissed her cheek before moving to kiss her forehead. She let out a quiet whimper and I looked down at her.

"I'm not going anywhere, Mitch." I whispered to her. "I love you." I meant every word. Mitchie stirred in her sleep and with a mumble, her eyes fluttered open.

"Miley?" she yawned groggily, looking up at me. "What are you doing up?" She sat up and wrapped the sheets around her front. I don't know why, I've seen her at her most vulnerable before...but she refuses to share that with me now.

"You were talking in your sleep, Mitch." I said, wrapping the sheet around my body as well. "Is there something you wanna talk about, Honey?" She was dead silent. I looked directly into her eyes and knew I was going to get truth from _them_, no matter what _she_ said. It looked like she was having an inner battle with herself, deciding whether or not to speak her mind. I noticed her bottom lip twitch like she was about to answer, but stopped. She shook her head at me defiantly.

"No." was her simple answer. She laid back down. "Go to sleep." I looked down with a sigh. She makes me feel like such shit. Why the hell do I deserve to have my feelings fucked with? Well, I can play that game too.

"You just scared me is all." I lied. I knew three things about Mitchie that even through the course of this fucked up relationship would never change: she hates to see me cry, she can't stand the thought of me leaving her, and she absolutely hates scaring me. Mitchie sat back up and put her arm around me comfortingly. She drew me close into her body and kissed a sensitive spot on my neck.

"I'm sorry, Baby." she said. Her sincerity was heartfelt and genuine. She kissed me again. "I didn't mean to scare you. I'm fine. It was just a really bad dream and it's nothing get upset over. There's nothing wrong, okay?"

"Okay," I mumbled. She kissed me on the forehead and as she pulled back, I saw the love in those big brown eyes I fell in love with four years ago.

"You worry too much," she smiled. She kissed me on the lips and I could swear my heart stopped beating for a moment.

"You should get some sleep." she advised. "We've got a busy day ahead of us tomorrow." I only yawned in response. I hadn't realized how tired I was until now, but that's what stress does to you. Mitchie laid back on the bed and so did I. She pulled the sheets over both of us and surprisingly pulled me into her for a second time that night. I rested my head under hers, trying to enjoy the feeling of being so close to her for as long as I could. Mitchie ran her hand down my back and hesitated. She began to rub it timidly, as if she was afraid she was hurting me. I lightly nuzzled my nose into her neck and gave her a small moan of approval to encourage her. She rubbed a little harder and I closed my eyes.

"Night, Miley." she whispered. I attempted to murmur a "goodnight" back, but I was already gone.

**.oOo.**

I woke up to the sound of "Don't Forget" strummed on an acoustic guitar. I yawned and sat up, wrapping the bed sheets around my body. I rubbed my eyes, adjusting them to the new sunlight present in the room, and looked around for Mitchie. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, now clothed and showered, stumming her favorite guitar, the one I got her for our second anniversary. She was practicing for her show. I moved a bit, causing the bed to shift, and Mitchie turned around.

"Morning." I said sweetly. She held my gaze for a moment and silently turned back around. She went back to playing her guitar and I released a silent sigh. Last night's tenderness obviously didn't last.

"Get dressed." she said. "We're going out." I smiled. We never go anywhere anymore. Not together, I mean. She's always recording or doing business now, and I barely leave this stupid apartment. I haven't hung out with my friends lately as a result. Mitchie tends to get jealous when I spend time with other girls. She doesn't like it when I'm gone for too long without her.

"Where are we going?" I asked. Mitchie shrugged.

"I don't know." she said. "Somewhere crowded. Someplace the paparazzi are." My smile faded. I shouldv'e known she wasn't doing this for me. She was just doing this for publicity. We're Hollywood's "It Couple" now, so everyone's trying to get us on the front of their magazines. I've got like, twelve interviews to do today just because I'm Mitchie's beau. She's gotta keep up her "miss perfect" image and do lots of charity stuff today ontop of taping tons of interviews. We're supposed to do one together on Colin Lassiter's Show tonight. My best friend Mikayla and her girlfriend Lily are joining us.

You know, it's weird how we all came to know each other. I met Mitchie through Mikayla and Mikayla met Lily through me. Mick and Lily couldn't be a happier pair; in every picture they're in, they're cuddled up together and kissing or laughing. Mitchie and I? We _pose_ like that. Most of the time, anywho. It wasn't like this the first year we moved to New York. Mitchie was so romantic and considerate. She always took me out and she'd spoil me rotten back then. I don't know what's changed that's made Mitchie so irritable and distant in the last three years. It has to be my fault.

"Mitchie?" I sighed. I didn't want to run anymore. I didn't want to feel afraid. I just wanted us to love each other again.

"What?" she replied, slightly annoyed. She turned around and sent a glare my way. "I thought I told you to get dressed."

"I-I you d-did, but I, uh..." I stammered. My boldness was gone. I looked down. "N-Nevermind. I'll um-" I threw back the covers and shuffled to the bathroom for a shower. Wonder where we're going today?

**.oOo.**

"Mitchie, over here!"

"Smile big, Miley!"

"Give us a cover shot, girls!"

"How 'bout a little tongue for the camera, ladies?" God, I hate paparazzi. Mitchie and I were walking downtown when she stopped to sign an autograph for this little girl, and they _literally_ popped out of nowhere and started snapping away. Mitchie snaked her arm around my waist and smiled at the cameras. She's been doing it so long, I think it's second nature to her now. I faked yet another smile and leaned into my girlfriend's embrace, throwing glances at various cameras.

"On a lunch date, girls?" came one man's voice.

"Yeah," Mitchie replied. She smiled as she planted a kiss to my cheek before pulling my hips into hers possessively. Stared into her brown eyes and saw a glimpse of the old Mitchie looking back at me.

"I could never get enough of this beautiful girl," she said. Something about the way she said it struck my heartstrings the right way and I felt a small blush rise to my cheeks. I giggled and buried my face in her neck as she held me. I melted as I felt her chuckle vibrate in her chest. It's because of things like this that I still have butterflies for her. God, I'm in deep.

Too deep for my own good.

* * *

Hey ya'l! It's been such a long time since I've written a new story (or even updated DX) but I'm trying to catch up on everything and even start some new stories, like this one. I haven't seen this type of fanfic a whole lot, but I felt like I should write it. Men and women in both the hetero and LGBT community suffer silently from partners that physically, mentally, and verbally abuse them. I don't know what depth of my mind this story came from, but here it is. As always, review, review, review my lovely readers. :)


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